Improve Communication With Your Elderly Parents

It’s important to maintain good relationships with our friends or parents who are growing older…we want to maintain those relationships, and most often it requires good communication. But it isn’t always easy to communicate effectively with an elderly adult. It’s not that they don’t want to communicate with you, more than likely, there are circumstances that are preventing them from doing so. Rather than getting frustrated with them, remember this…

• They may have difficulty hearing
• They may be struggling to understand
• They may not feel well
• They may be distracted
• it could be a number of things that are out of their control

Things to remember:

First and foremost, exercise respect, patience and compassion for your elderly loved one. Remember, they want to communicate, share their thoughts, their needs and their desires too. If you’re getting frustrated, they are probably getting even more frustrated than you are.

Try these strategies for easier communication:

1. Be a good listener – This is where respect comes in…don’t just listen to what they are saying…hear it. You can’t just go through the motions of listening. If they are speaking slowly, don’t interrupt with your thoughts, or try to complete their thoughts for them.
2. Respect  and recognize their opinions – It’s alright if everyone doesn’t have the same opinion, and whether you agree or disagree with each other, listen to them carefully, validate that their opinion is as important as yours, and although you can try to explain your thinking, definitely don’t debate with them over it.
3. Keep your advice to yourself – Unless they have asked for your advice, they may not want it, and if you give it unsolicited, they may feel you are talking down to them and get irritated. If they feel they can trust you with their thoughts and feelings and that you’re not going to be pushy, they will begin to have the confidence to ask what you think. If it’s an important issue, bring in an outside advisor to give the advice, that way, you can maintain your relationship.
4. Speak to them as the adult they are – Sometimes we have a tendency to speak louder or slower when speaking to our elders, that only makes them feel like you are being condescending and that you don’t respect them. Don’t patronize them or treat them as a child who doesn’t understand.
5. Put yourself in their shoes – It’s a challenge to grow older, to cope with the challenges of slower and weaker mobility, lack of total recall, and the feeling of being “put out to pasture.” Consider how you would feel. Help them to feel like their contribution to the conversation is important, as are their opinions.
6. Discover what’s going on – Sometimes it’s difficult to come up with ideas to engage them in conversation, so ask them questions about themselves. Ask them about their life…they love to reminisce and share stories about their past. It will bring you closer, and if you’re smart, you’ll take notes or record their voices and stories.
7. Let them choose – No one likes to be told what to do, or what their going to be doing all the time. Offer choices whenever possible. You will be surprised at how that will not only build their happiness, but also their confidence and self-esteem. And similarly, again when possible, offer options for such things as lunch, or types of activities or what they’re going to wear.
8. Improve the setting – Good communication with your senior parent can depend on the setting:
   1. If they are hard of hearing, you may want to eliminate background noise…but if that means turning off their TV, you should ask them if it’s alright rather than just doing it.
   2. You should sit face to face, it’s so much easier to hear, stay focused and understand when you can see the other person’s face.
   3. We often have a tendency to slur or use slang, so enunciate your words to be better understood.

These tips won’t always apply to every situation, but trying them and other ideas to improve communication can only make things better.

In my next blog post, I will be giving ideas on questions to ask your senior that will involve them in conversation.

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